I am many things; but I’d say I define myself as two things above all: An introvert and a dad.

Yes, and a spouse as well! So three things. But I digress.

The daily challenge is navigating how to be an introvert and a good dad at the same time.

In a previous post, I mentioned that it’s ok to be an introvert. Because it is! You should never have to change who you are.

But as a parent, we all know we can’t avoid social situations and events that can be taxing.

The truth is, no matter how you feel or hard it may be, you should always put your kids first. To me, their happiness and success is what drives me. I want them to be who they are, and run with it.

Know Your Kids

Ok, this might sound obvious. But I actually mean this on multiple levels.

When it comes to activities, know what they like. I truly enjoy the times when I get to hang out with just my two daughters.

My wife is a teacher, and an extrovert; which means she has a lot of responsibilities (as a teacher), and a lot of friends (as an extrovert).

There are occasions where she’ll have an event, a school function, or most recently a hair salon appointment, where the kids and I will be on our own.

These are awesome opportunities, especially for a dad.

I know my kids; I know how they want to enjoy their time with me, (and I with them) and we always look forward to “dad time” because it’s a special time with just us.

Side note: Don’t get me wrong, time with mom (all four of us) is amazing. It’s actually my most cherished time. With how busy life is (and seems to get busier and busier as the kids get older and gain more and more activities), time where just the four of us can be together seems rare.

But as I said, it’s a great opportunity when the kids can spend time with dad.

We go on ice cream dates, have special inside jokes, have certain toys we play with together, and even have meals we cook together.

Always make it so they look forward to dad time.

Also, know who their friends are.

Believe me, it is a huge challenge for me to make friends.

But my suggestion is this: know who your kids best friends are, and make a connection with those kids’ dads.

Just a few of them. Meet them individually. Connect on a common interest.

This has helped me in a huge way when the inevitable and unavoidable social functions come up.

Father/Daugher dances, working bingo at the school, school concerts; all of that stuff is so much easier when you attend and can go seek out that one dad you got to know.

Let Your Spouse Guide You

Ok, I get that there are single dads out there with no spouse. Maybe you have a close friend of the family or a significant other. If not, stick with me.

In my own experience, having an extroverted spouse has actually helped, not hindered me.

To be a introvert and a good dad can be scary.

On the surface, and at first, it terrified me when I married an extrovert. Plus, all her friends are extroverts!

I used to avoid at all costs having to hang out with her and her friends. I’d be invited and would resist going. I assumed they didn’t like me. Or that they thought I was weird because I’m quiet.

But one day took her up on hanging out at an end-of-summer get together with her teacher friends.

The bonus is that a lot of the teachers have kids around the same age as ours, so they’re all friends as well.

So we went, had some food and beverages, and took it one step at a a time.

After all, isn’t that how us introverts make friends? We find an extrovert and let them find people for us?

In any case, the social event was fun; mainly because my kids had their friends there and my wife invited me into her circle. It’s kind of like training wheels. She brought me into her circle of friends, and gradually I made connections.

Ensure That You Communicate Your Needs As An Introvert

Not only that, but that those needs are met.

Yes, it’s important for an introverted parent to get out there and make connections with the people who are important to your loved ones.

But, it’s also important that your loved ones, and everyone in their environment, respects the fact that you have needs too.

We don’t want to hear “stop being so shy!” Or “Why can’t you make more friends?” Or “you should talk more.”

We need our loved ones to understand how draining these social interactions are for us.

They need to accept that, you know what, maybe after all these social interactions we just need some alone time or silence.

But they won’t know, or get it, unless you tell them. We can’t pretend we’re an extrovert.

I tried that.

Pretending you’re an extrovert does not make you an extrovert. It just hurts your mental health, and worsens your anxiety, which in turn can negatively affect your relationships.

So, as with anything that’s important, you’re going to have to make sacrifices for those you love; but you don’t have to sacrifice who you are. It is absolutely possible to be an introvert and a good dad.