Through my journey of personal development, one of the many things I struggle with is learning how to not be a people pleaser.

One of my biggest weaknesses is that I feel the intense need for everyone to like me. I just need to be liked. If I find out someone doesn’t like, it bothers me to no end.

I’ve become so tired of constantly bending over backward to please others, leaving myself feeling drained and unfulfilled.

While wanting to make others happy is a natural inclination, it can become detrimental when it comes at the expense of your own well-being and authenticity. I’m trying my best to break free from the cycle of people-pleasing. It’s time to reclaim, or even firstly obtain, autonomy and happiness.

Understanding People-Pleasing

Before diving into how to overcome people-pleasing tendencies, it’s important to understand what it is and why it can be harmful. People-pleasing often stems from a desire for approval and fear of rejection or conflict. It involves prioritizing others’ needs and desires over your own, sometimes to the point of neglecting your own boundaries and values.

Recognizing the Signs

Before you can learn how to not be a people pleaser, it’s crucial to recognize the signs. Some common indicators include:

1. Difficulty Saying No: Finding it hard to decline requests or set boundaries.
   
2. Seeking Approval: Constantly seeking validation and approval from others.
   
3. Ignoring Personal Needs: Neglecting your own needs and desires to accommodate others.
   
4. Avoiding Conflict: Going to great lengths to avoid confrontation, even at your own expense.
   
5. Feeling Resentful: Feeling resentful or frustrated when others don’t reciprocate your efforts.

Strategies to Overcome People-Pleasing

1. Know Your Values: Take time to identify your values and priorities. When faced with a decision, ask yourself if it aligns with your values and if saying yes serves your well-being.
   
2. Practice Assertiveness: Assertiveness involves expressing your needs and boundaries in a respectful manner. Practice saying no without guilt or apology, and communicate your boundaries clearly.
   
3. Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries in your relationships and stick to them. It’s okay to say no to requests or activities that don’t align with your values or priorities.
   
4. Learn to Say No: Saying no is a powerful skill that can help you reclaim your time and energy. Remember that it’s okay to prioritize your own needs and well-being.
   
5. Manage Your Inner Critic: Challenge negative self-talk and beliefs that fuel people-pleasing behavior. Remind yourself that your worth isn’t dependent on others’ approval or acceptance.
   
6. Practice Self-Care: Prioritize self-care activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul. Investing in self-care helps replenish your energy and resilience, making it easier to resist the urge to people-please.
   
7. Seek Support: Surround yourself with supportive friends, family members, or a therapist who can offer guidance and encouragement as you work to overcome people-pleasing tendencies.

Embracing Authenticity

I just wrote the other day in this post about how important it is for you to just be yourself. You can’t be some version of yourself that you think others will like, or that you think you should be.

It doesn’t work. Be true to yourself. Not everyone is going to like you. You have to be ok with that.

And I wrote in this post about how to stop caring about what other people think. None of that matters. What matters is what YOU think of YOURSELF.

Breaking free from people-pleasing isn’t always easy. But it’s beyond essential to learn how to not be a people pleaser.

By setting boundaries, practicing assertiveness, and prioritizing self-care, you can cultivate healthier relationships and a greater sense of self-worth.

Remember, you deserve to prioritize your own needs and happiness just as much as anyone else. So, take the first step today toward a life free from the burden of people-pleasing.